being single

the new black sheep

skeeve

Do I have a sign taped to my back that says "Only Skeevz Allowed: Apply Within"? Why is it I only get approached by dudes who have soul patches, or are in a frat, or can't speak coherent English, or [for lack of a better term] socially retarded OR find it funny to insult me and then ask me out on a date?

I want this:

I get this:

Am I aiming to lie? Am I out of my league here?

clothes

i suck at making them. hopefully ill get better. i want some racerback tees!

time

if it were possible, that is all i would ask for. every birthday/christmas, at the top of my list, it would be time.

plain and simple.

storyteller

I really wish I could go back to being the best storyteller anyone ever knew. I wrote stories with vivid imagery, captivating plot lines, HEART WRENCHING EMOTION! What happened? I let life get the best of me I suppose. Never have time to sit down and write more than a few sappy lines in a blog no one ever reads about how i wish i could write more.

New New Years Resolution: Write something brilliant.

ps. ive been following my new years resolution. all but one:

do better in school

i need to fucking pull myself up by the boot straps and give this semester a swift kick in the mouth, instead of having it drag me down. i need to prove to my mom and most importantly myself im not here to waste money. im here to start a life. im here to gain knowledge. im here to learn about myself. i need to buckle down and do this shit.

maybe writing will be that hobby i mentioned in my resolution. since im taking a lot of writing intensive courses, it should only help...right?

literature essay

This is an assignment I had to write for my English 215 class. Leave your feedback, no matter how harsh. Yes...I did write about Anthony Green

Literature, in modern terms, is different than the classics we as students learn in any English class. In regards to music, literature should be used loosely especially when writing about pop artists. There are timeless artists like the Beatles and Michael Jackson who have penned great "classics" themselves. However, pop music performed today seems to be at an all time low, done solely to entertain and make money off the ignorant masses. How else would society allow "artists" like Soulja Boy and Nickelback to reach such chart topping heights? One could argue that music is subjective, that it is up to the listener to decide whether there is meaning beyond the words, or just a song to shake his or her rump to. I feel, since music is subjective, that there should be criteria involved when determining whether contemporary music is literature. I believe that first and foremost the art should be created by the artist. Also, literature should enable the reader to take away something deeper and meaningful rather than a ten second high from grinding too hard. Rihanna is a gorgeous woman who has a very distinct yet skilled voice. However, in my opinion, what she produces is not literature. I discovered, though I am sure many people know, that she co-writes some of her songs but has not written a song in its entirety. The Grammy award winning song "Umbrella" was written by Christopher Stewart and Kuk Harrell. Nick Sharpe's favorite song, "Shut Up and Drive", was written by Carl Sturken and Evan Rogers for her album Good Girl Gone Bad. When I listen to any particular artist, regardless of genre, I want to be able to connect with him or her on a personal level. How is this achieveable with Rihanna when I know that two men sat around and pinned lines like " Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights? If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night!". I do believe it is harder to categorize most mainstream contemporary pop artists as "literature" because, it is now to my understanding that majority of them do not write their own songs. They are indeed "performers" which means they are the antithesis to what literature is. Entertainment can be apart of literature but that is not it's sole purpose. Antony Green is a name not recognizable to many people. He is relatively unknown within the larger scheme of things yet to me, his work is the embodiment of literature. Let us rewind the clocks back to 2005 when his band, Circa Survive, relaesed their firsrt gull length entitled Juturna. Literature is something that one can interpret and take away a deeper meaning for themselves. When I read the lyrics from the song "House of Leaves", I instanstly found a connection. Lines like "I've been lying wide awake paralyzed by the buzzing of the television. These modern things we know, getting you off" (Green) struck me in awe! The title of the song itself references one of the greatest works of all time, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. Those lyrics address a deeper issue than metaphorically comparing the act of driving a car to sex. Green's lyrics speak of the mindfuck that is technology and the doldrums that resides in our minds while watching television, the irreplaceable numbness. Those simple two sentences to me are brilliantly composed and the subject matter keeps me thinking even after the song has finished playing. I do not think that all pop artistis are fed to the masses as forms of entertainment. Michael Jackson is an excellent performer, but he is there to do just that, sell records. People will be studying his career for years to come, but will realize that he was not the one who penned Thriller. If we are to use literature to describe pop songs, give the credit to the unseen voice behind the music. Literature, all in all, requires substance, originality and is able to give the reader something to think about. Artists like Anthony Green satisfy these requirements, but no we cannot classify all contemporary artists as literature.

stressed out

things i need to do for the rest of the week:
-finish downloading the music for the party
-fasfa
-call the fasfa people and tell them to reactivate my pin
-check out tights
-annotated bibliographies
-email my teacher
-philosophy homework
-make a mix cd for lionel
-clean the house
-dye my hair
-start my history reading assignment
-study for my theater test on friday

dear you

you have a wolf face. and it turns me on to no end.

vivid dream

I think it was a dream. It had to be...right? I'm laying in bed asleep. Dead to the world. I hear the door to my room open.
"Whose coming into my room? Don't they see my post-it on the door, that I'm Napping?"

I hear this person walk across to the room to the stairs leading up to my bed. The stairs creak noisily beneath their feet. I sigh. I just want a nap.

I feel the bed dip. They're lying in bed with me now? The covers move involuntarily and I'm growing more agitated by the moment. I feel them tug on my pinky finger. Are they trying to hold my hand?

"STOP!" I try to yell, unsuccessfully. I hear them sigh and try to move the pillow from my face. I feel the heat from the sun on my skin. I'm trying to wake up now, this person is pissing me off. I'm kicking now and trying to sit up. They roll off the bed and walk back down the stairs...through the wall.

I stop thrashing. Did they just walk through the wall?

Fuck.

On a lighter note, I hope people come to our party :/

consumer

i am a consumer. i fit the stereotype that many foreigners say best describe America, i am materialistic...when it comes to music. I, being extremely anal about categorizing, wrote out an entire list of all the cds ive sold, given away over the years. Wanna know the number? Over 100. Imagine if I had kept all of them. My closet would be overflowing with mediocre music. Alot of it was bad. Some of it I don't even know why I gave away. I don't even listen to music the same. I download 4 albums a day and don't even listen to most of them. It's an obsession. I used to know all the words, to every song I owned. But now, I've got so much music, I couldn't even name half the artists if I just heard the song. It's bad. So what now? Do I just stick with purchasing music through vinyl/cd format? Only paying attention and focusing on what is in my immediate grasp? Or do I just train myself to actually listen ? Or both? Meh.


ps. Im watching wrestling. Shawn Michaels is a little bitch. Why is Jeff Hardy doing the face paint gig now? Why is Cryme Time setting us back 400 years, but still so god damn entertaining? WHY IS CHRIS JERICHO IN SPANNKIES?!

It wasn't like it used to be back when I was in elem/middle school. Those were the golden days.

house cleaning

one day, im going to make this place a bit more home-y. A bit more me. Until then, enjoy this passage from Thursday guitarist Tom Keeley. Yes, it is another music schpeel.

ps. i really need some new jeans

What are some of the influences for the new record, musical and otherwise?

I won’t speak lyrically. But sonically it’s kind of all over the place. I think we'll always have our roots in post hardcore. Bands like Far, and Quicksand will always be part of our musical vocabulary. But I've always felt that a song was a space, expansive and warm or claustrophobic and cluttered. I've always enjoyed playing with those spaces and treating them 3 dimensionally. So bands like Mogwai and Sigur Ros have acted as examples on how to create those vast open spaces with sounds acting more as shapes passing along a horizon or skyline. Whereas bands like Converge or Envy can often create claustrophobic spaces filled with growling and angular shapes. It’s not all about a melody or a lyric, it’s about density, texture, impact, velocity and using silence as a tool....that’s been a challenging one....figuring out when the hell NOT to play. So that’s all nice and conceptual, but a digression I guess......let’s just say the record is big heavy, dense, melodic, expansive, lush, dissonant, immediate, future shit. haha. compare it to whatever bands you think embody that stuff.

The song "Running From the Rain" was featured in a commercial for Saturn vehicles. Instead of backlash that would have hit hard in the beginning of your career, many seemed content that the band received mainstream exposure. How do you feel the scene has changed in the decade you've been a band?

I think the scene has transformed from a communal gathering in which we have face to face dialogues in real time to an increasingly digitally isolating, abusive self aggrandizing race for the number one spot. There are communities online for sure, but something scary happens when we are in front of the computer which happens less face to face. We get fucking mean. We feel like we can get away with saying whatever we want in the name of sarcasm, with no consequence. People become little Napoleons, promoting themselves as the most important, the most bitingly critical, cynical...fucking mean man. Music is supposed to be a unifying entity...it’s the oldest language, it’s supposed to bind us together, and that was true for us when we started in our little 'scene'. Not only were people accepting if you were different, but they celebrated those differences and wanted to understand your ideas, even if they disagreed. Now it seems, from behind closed doors and in front of a computer we feel like we can get away with being abusive of others ideas in increasingly exclusionary online "communities". We value post counts and making fun of bad grammar over possibly learning something important about someone who has different ideas than we do.

It’s a shame, because it’s been going on long enough now that bands actually write songs about it. Championing sarcasm and one upmanship and popularity over messages of humility, acceptance, and empathy. Not only boring to me, but offensive.

There’s room for all the glossy tongue in cheek dance jams in the world out there about who’s sneakers are cooler. But it’s getting too big and fat and tired for its own good...in the past there have been underground scenes in which people were making the new shit. Basement shows, kitchen shows, vfw halls...actual gatherings of people willing to exchange ideas openly without negating one another’s views....places where people make and share the music that changes the mainstream..if we're all too busy hiding behind a computer to get up and make a community happen, if we're all too concerned with pwning each other on a message board to realize the power of accepting ideas ulterior to our own...we're either going to undermine this process of change in music or miss it altogether.

I'm not saying basement culture is the only way to do it. I'm saying that online culture often eats itself, especially the online youth culture surrounding punk music. We disempower ourselves by getting caught up in, let’s face it, elementary school style whining and bickering over, what?? Difference of opinion and personal taste?? shit that means NOTHING if we aren’t actually willing to listen before we start barking. There are certainly exceptions to this idea, there is just a really strong, seemingly automatic switch that flips when we get online, that immediately makes it difficult to have a really inclusive, enriching and enlightened community....or scene. IMHO..........rofl?

What do you think about the current music climate? Changes need to be made to the way music is released and how record labels operate, so what do you think would be the best way for actual change and progress to be made?

I wish I knew. It would be great if everyone could pull a Radiohead and give it away. But not every band has spent time as 'the biggest band in the world'. Once you sell millions of records you can sort of afford to take chances like they did. We however have not sold millions of records, so. I've heard so many ideas about different models for music/commerce, i.e. selling it like cable, subscriptions services that give you access to vast libraries of music....only selling services AROUND the actual music, basically selling ACCESS to music....and they all sound legit, like they could work. But then they disappear or fail. I think what needs to change to a great extent is the mentality of those who consume music. It’s been a free for all over the last 10 years in which people grab as much music for free as their hard drives can hold...and who wouldn't be tempted to do that?

We've obviously supported file sharing, and still do, but I think there needs to be a slight yet powerful shift in everyone’s mind from FREE IS BEST, GOTTA GET MINE to WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF NEVER PAYING FOR ART THAT HAS VALUE? Everyone has a responsibility to strive for a balance between exercising their freedom of choice to customize your own experience with art and music, and making sure not to abuse or take advantage musicians and artists. Putting money into the industry helps labels make recording budgets, which pay for studios, which allows them not to charge an arm and a leg for bands to record...it is a cycle. And as a music consumer, we all play a part. no money= much harder for artists to make their art=less art for those who want it=everyone’s bummed. So strike a balance...download it...make sure you like it first...then go buy it and experience it usually as the artist intended it to be experienced. Music has value, it’s not wrong to expect compensation. And it’s not like we can't make informed decisions these days about exactly what it is we are paying for.